You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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