This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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