I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
