We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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