Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
