Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
