shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
