I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there is glitter all over my balls
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
