ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
