You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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