You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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