He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
