Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my being single is dangerous.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
