Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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