i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
