I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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