no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
