sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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