I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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