yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
