I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
