Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
