i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
