does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
