I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
