You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
