He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
