The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he puts the penis in happiness.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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