My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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