I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
