I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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