I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
