i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize