her vagine was all disorganized.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
