Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
