i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
