We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have already put on my inside pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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