Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
