so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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