He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
