I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
