Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
