This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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