I bet he comes in French.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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