So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
