k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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