fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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