They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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