Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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