I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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