there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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