grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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