So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
