I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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