I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
