we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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