Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
