she was so not down for the gang bang
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
