I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
