I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He shit in the fireplace
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
