i permit you to call me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
