I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
