My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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