I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
