how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
