Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
