I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
