Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
