I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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