my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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