I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
