just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
